You Really, Really Love Your Woman? Excellent!...Now Make Her Cry

By Peter Wesson

You heard me. If you haven't made your girlfriend, fiancee, or wife shed tears recently, then you need to start. Now.

If you're not married to them yet, then perhaps you shouldn't. That is, if you find that they never show emotion over something you say or do. Perhaps you are with the wrong woman. Maybe she doesn't have the affect on you that would inspire such things in you. Maybe not, maybe they are one of the rare women that don't cry. However, I doubt it.

However, if it's not her, then it's you. What am I talking about? Am I saying being mean to her? What am I talking about, making her cry? Am I some sort of cruel sadist that revels in the lamentations of women?

I would hope that I'm obviously not. I'm talking about that you need to touch her. No, I don't mean that! I'm talking about touching her emotions. I'm talking about making sure she feels special. I mean to help her feel loved. I mean to help her know that she is cherished.

Before I go any further, let me say, you only do this because she truly is loved and cherished. That is, that you love her and cherish her.  This is about her, not you. Giving in order to get is not truly giving. This is about giving her something. It's about what you make her feel, not what you want in return. If that's not what you have in mind, then perhaps this article isn't for a selfish little boy like yourself.

Also, I don't think it's a sexist thing to say that women often cry when they have been deeply affected by something. Even when they are really happy. When things hit them so deep within themselves that they overflow with emotion. Some would not like to hear me say that. However, I've known too many women that do this to say that it isn't often the case.

Let's face it, men do it, too, although for different reasons. The end of Return of the Jedi, when Vader is redeemed to his son, man, that's a tear-jerker! Well, it least it was to me. Perhaps when Mickey died in Rocky III? There you go. Is that a manly enough reference for you?

Seriously, no more joking, you must touch them within their heart. You must help make them feel the love that you have for them. Once again, I'm not talking the physical stuff here. Any idiot can learn that. I'm talking about the emotional touching. I'm talking about giving her the feeling that she is loved. I'm talking about making her know in her soul that you appreciate her.  

Am I saying learn lines that will manipulate their emotions? No, not in the least. You completely misunderstand me if that's what you think. Once again, this isn't about selfishness. This isn't about control or power. This is about love. Real, unadulterated love.  Love that you are going to put into words and tell, send, or write those words to or for her.

As men, we are supposed to protect their hearts, but how about providing for their hearts?  How about filling that emptiness that too many women have faced in a society in which marriages are thrown away.  Yes, there are women these days that are responsible for that.  However, with garbage ideas like pick-up culture, there are definitely men out there that use women for their bodies and could care less about their hearts.

To do this, you must be a man with man-sized feelings for a lady. That you are man enough to face the fact that you are deeply in love with a woman and that you desire to tell her of this love. That your thoughts are of her and that these thoughts are so strong that to keep them inside is unthinkable to you.

What I mean is that you must learn to dig deep. To share what you feel for them with them. Not because you want to get them in bed (if you ain't married to her, then my belief is this would be out of the question, anyhow). Rather, because you want them to feel what you feel. You want them to know, completely and totally that they are loved. You want them to feel that, not because you want something from them, but because you care deeply for them and you want them to understand that feeling. That they make you feel so wonderful that you want them to have even just a bit of how wonderful they make you feel.

Perhaps you might say, but, I don't know how to do that. Well, don't you? Take a moment every day and write down how you feel for her. Really let go and let those thoughts flow. Is it cheesy? Then maybe that's the exact thing you need to say to her! Does it come across as a bit too mushy or lovey-dovey to please your uber-masculine aesthetic? Then, my friend, that's probably the very thing you need to tell her. You're dealing with a woman. Yes, she needs you to be strong and she needs you to be that manly man. She needs your stoicism and toughness. However, she also needs tenderness. She needs to feel appreciated. She needs to feel loved.  Today, in the day of texting, Facebook Messenger, or, check out this crazy idea, paper and pen, you can't figure out some way to begin to show her your thoughts?

If you have ever done something so sweet and kind (yes, those are terms that should be associated with you from time to time) that somebody you cared for was brought to tears, you'll know why this is something you needed to do. You'll get addicted to it. You'll understand how you made your woman feel. If you are doing this for the right reasons, how you touched her will touch your heart as well. Being made happy by others is great. But making others happy, truly and deeply happy? If you're a giver, this will bring you no end of joy.  In turn, you will not want their joy to end, either.  You will want to see that smile and it will bring a smile to you.  When you see the look in her eyes, that being overcome by joy, you won't ever want to stop.  Nor will she want you to do so.

Imagine that, if you brought a cycle of growing love to a relationship? That you thought within yourself everyday, “How can I show her I love her? How can I help her to understand how much I care for her?” How can I help author a love story for our lives? It'll be written by more than just tender words, but what love story doesn't also have those words? Okay, maybe the beginning of the movie “Up!” But anyhow... Yes, men, you might not like love stories so much, but you need to make one with your relationship.

Men, man up and do it. Open up your heart. Be vulnerable with her. Tell her in unmistakable terms how you feel. Make her cry. Obviously, not tears of sorrow or pain. A real man would recoil at the very idea. Rather, because you love her as much and more so than your own life. That you would die for her but you will gladly live for her as well. That you love her and that everyday will be spent finding new ways and words to show her that very fact.

Maybe it won't be tears. Maybe it'll be the biggest smile you've ever seen. Maybe it'll be both. But go for it. Tell her.

Man up. 

Do it. 

Now.  

Labor-saving So You Can Be More Productive, Not Less

By Peter Wesson

If you use labor-saving machines to enable laziness, then you are saving time in order to waste it.

Our society has made a grave mistake in regards to our technology and state of mind.  We have had the blessings of labor-saving devices for several decades now.  It used to be that doing the dishes meant standing over a sink and washing dishes by hand.  Now it means loading a dishwasher, with maybe a pre-wash step for the super-motivated.  For those exhausted after mowing the lawn, very few of my generation or younger know the contrast between a mower that does all the cutting work for you and a mower that is completely human-powered.  Many these days don't even have to stand up to mow the lawn and spend what is the equivalent of a low-speed four-wheeler session in their yard when they are cutting the grass with their new riding mower.

There's nothing wrong with any of these things per se.  Cutting out labor in doing a chore usually means cutting down on the time it takes, too.  This can be a good thing.  It was basic machines that allowed mankind more free time to develop himself culturally, intellectually, philosophically, and artistically.  The industrial revolution and the engine magnified that exponentially.  As we are beginning to see home automation on things like vacuuming, pool-cleaning, and even grass-cutting, we are looking at even more labor being saved.

However, could it be that we are missing it in what we are accomplishing with these labor-saving devices?  Could it be that we are putting too much emphasis on the effort that labor is saved and not on the time that is frees us to do other productive things?  Could it be that we are missing the greater blessings that modern technology is other than on the work it keeps us from needing to do?

We have seen this sort of missed opportunity with mobile phone technology, of course.  We have given up communication with those around us for constant communications with others.  Relationships and even marriages have been diminished, ruined, and broken because of this inordinate imbalance.  What should be a blessing to enhance our lives has in some cases caused harm instead.

We see the same thing in the activity that these labor-saving devices have brought to us.  You know the time we said we didn't have to read that book, do those house improvements, or simply spend time with our family is more available than ever because of modern technology.  Instead, what do we do?  We spend time with other modern technology, whether it be the game on television or anti-social media like Facebook.  Perhaps some might even abuse this time given to indulge in less savory things like Internet porn. 

So, what's my point?  My point is that the more masculine, mature thing to do is to use these labor-savers as a chance to be able to participate in something else more meaningful and productive.  Use this time to really advance yourself as a man.  Begin working on those hand-built carpentry items you have the skills to build (or perhaps to develop those skills).  Work on that piece of music you've always wanted to learn.  Take those saved moments to connect with your wife in some meaningful way (to both of you).  Use that time to teach your children the wonders of the outdoors, to teach your son how to shoot that .22 rifle, or some other skill that fathers used to pass on to their children.  Use the labor saved by these things to catch up on work around the house that you as a man need to do.
 

Modern technology can be used to help us not have so much stress in life.  However, if the only thing you do with that time is waste it on overindulgence in leisure, you have missed a great opportunity.  That is, an opportunity to use modern technology to enhance your life instead of allowing it to make you into a mediocre shade of masculinity.  Use the time saved in one thing to give yourself more time to become all that you can and should be as a man.

Be Able to Work with Your Hands as Well As Your Mind

If society falls apart, it is the farmer and the electrician that will be needed before the history professor will.  History professors, don't get offended.  I have aspirations to someday be qualified to teach history, even archaeology.  However, let's face it, you can't eat history nor can you light a house with a lecture.  The same goes for many other professions in the intellectual realm. 

Humanity needs the necessities of life before it needs the humanities.  People need food before they need to know the history of agriculture.  Even when I consider my work as a preacher (yep, that's what I am professionally, in case you didn't know), I realize that the body must be nourished before I can hope to bring people to the grander nourishment of the soul.

In fact, in the New Testament, you will find that most of the earliest evangelists had a trade as well as their more spiritual calling.  Most of original twelve apostles were fishermen that harvested from the Galilean Sea.  In fact, after Jesus' crucifixion, they very briefly went back to this. 

Saul of Tarsus, who became the apostle Paul, was a much more educated man than most if not all the apostles.  Yet, even he was a skilled tradesman, being a tent-maker.  This enabled him to support himself and others when financial support for his mission work was not as plentiful. 

The apostle Paul wrote, "Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need" (Ephesians 4.28).  While Paul definitely recommends people to work with their minds (as in things like Bible study), we see in the above Bible passage that practical work, work that requires the hands, is also praised by this biblical writer.  He lived it and he advocated it in others.

Great men throughout history have been men that were gifted in doing practical, hands-on work as well as mental work.  George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and John Adams were all farmers.  Benjamin Franklin was a printer in an age when such was definitely a hands-on profession.  Hearkening back to our biblical examples, don't forget that even Jesus of Nazareth was a carpenter before He was a preacher.

Having practical skills will aid you in a world with economy uncertainty.  The thing is, people always need plumbers, electricians, and carpenters.  Being able to fix lawnmowers may be what helps you get through a period of unemployment until you get that next job better suited to your preferred career field. 

Having practical skills can save you money.  While we can't necessarily learn the intricacies of every manual trade (at least, not at first), to be able to do basic repairs on your house or car can save you thousands.  Which, yes, any ladies that are reading this, means that men need to be allowed to make the attempt.  Men, this means you need to have some courage to make the repair.  In this day of Google and YouTube, not being able to learn some basic manual skills is simply inexcusable.

Being able to do some manual labor can also be of great aid to you as you help others.  As I mentioned above, I'm a preacher by profession.  However, when a neighborhood in which I lived was hit hard by a tornado, what do you think the folks' first need was: spiritual or physical aid?  Yes, of course there are the questions about the divine ramifications of it all.  However, first what was needed were chain-saws to cut up downed trees, back-muscles to move the logs, and vehicles and tools to help clean up the mess!

What can you begin to do?  First, make sure you have some basic tools on hand.  Then, begin to take an honest look around your house.  Is there anything you can do now on upkeep or repairs?

Perhaps you can begin to find a project that you can use to enhance your way of living.  One great way to work with your hands is to plant a garden.  Perhaps get some basic plans for a raised bed or simply dig up a small plot in which to plant some basic greens, peppers, and tomatoes. 

Do you have a craftsman-leaning?  Some basic woodworking tools, some wood, and perhaps you will be on the way to making this year's Christmas gifts.  Just, guys, make certain that it's something people will appreciate...and don't skip her preferences on gifts!

What about some skills with equipment like a chain-saw?  If natural disaster strikes, wouldn't it be great to be able to be on the scene, helping your neighbor?  One of the characteristics of great men is the willingness to act.  However, the will without the skills will only get you so far.

Do you have to become "Mr. Fix-It" or a master mechanic before you can be considered worth something as a man or even a "real" man?  Of course not.  Part of manliness is seen in recognizing where steps need to be taken and taking those steps.  Learning is part of being able to work with your hands because it is enabling and activating those skills.

The point being, begin finding something handy to do with your hands.  Get into something that creates, repairs, or maintains.  Begin to develop useful skills beyond that of management, office duties, or other white collar activity.  Those things have a place, but manliness and manual skills go hand in hand.

Masculinity is Practical

By Peter Wesson

"Being a real man is as much about what we do as who we are. Masculinity must be practical to be actual."

When one looks at great men of history, what shines forth?  While there is a place for the conceptualist and theorist, such as Einstein, we find overwhelmingly that the men most respected are men that did something.  They didn't just feel masculine, they put it into practice.  George Washington, Teddy Roosevelt, Daniel Boone, David Crockett, and others were known for more than their words.  They were known as men of action.  During their time, to be a man of action was practically a redundancy.

Even conceptualists like Einstein are not truly appreciated until what they theorized finds a practical application.  It is when the engineer found a use for the theorist's ideas that such is found to be truly world-changing.  A conceptualist is after all just a dreamer, howbeit perhaps a genius dreamer, until his dreams are shown to be reality.

When one reads the New Testament, one finds that the things associated with carrying out the role of a man are often very practical in nature.  Things such working to provide for the family or protecting the family from harm are all things that require doing.  For most major world religions and worldviews, masculinity is about what is done on the outside, not just what a male might feel on the inside.

In a very excellent article on the website, The Art of Manliness, Brett Mckay noted that "to feel like a man you have to act like a man."  The wisdom in this is pretty powerful.  Instead of sitting around waiting to feel something, you must begin to do something.

If one has ever wanted to learn to play a musical instrument, one has to begin playing that instrument.  You don't suddenly being feeling like a musician and then your talent magically matches your feeling.  Rather, you have to practice your skills until suddenly one day it dawns upon you, "Hey, I'm a musician now."

Masculinity or being a man can be like this.  What do you associate with being masculine?  For many of us, it has to do with the fathers that raised us.  If you were blessed to have a man like my father, you saw somebody that did manly things.  Working to provide for his family.  Doing repairs around the home.  Being the one to do the heavy lifting when needed.  Basically, the manliness you saw was actualized through the practice of being masculine.

What are thought of as masculine jobs?  Usually, it is things that are very practical in nature.  Mechanics, lumberjacks, machinists, and truck drivers are things that are useful to make society go round.  Yes, women can and do participate in these fields.  Yet, they are still to this day jobs that are associated with men.  These traditionally masculine professions are a reminder that traditional masculinity carried with it the idea of being useful to society. 

Do you want to be more masculine?  You can grow a beard, wear more gender-distinct clothes, and ponder manly things.  However, for people to really think of you as masculine, a quote from the movie Batman Begins is in order, "It's not who you are underneath; it's what you do that defines you."  Begin being useful to society.  Learn skills that are useful to yourself and others.  Learn to fix a leaky sink.  Learn how to do basic repairs on your car.  Find ways to increase your skills and to be more of an asset to your family.  

Masculinity must be practical in order to be actual.  Yes, it is also a mindset and even a look.  However, without practicality it will be no more than those things.